I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
These tits shall not be calmed
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
