I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
