Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
