I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Randomize
