do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
