why didn't you poke me back
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
