Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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