my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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