I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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