Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
