I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
