So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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