We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
