you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
