you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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