is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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