he thought i was a dude.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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