If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my poor anus
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
