I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
