Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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