You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
