Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
