Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
