Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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