how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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