i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
