Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
