winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
