the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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