You just made me feel so damn special
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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