Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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