2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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