If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
