God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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