I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Be still, my beating vagina.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
