yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
