I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
