A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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