My hand turned me down
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
