My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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