in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
