I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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