Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
