so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
