so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Randomize
