Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
