the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
