You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
