I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I look better un-naked...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
