you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish you could order shots online.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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