I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
