so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
