clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
