accomplished twins. life is a go
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
